If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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