I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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