Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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