found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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