whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
