She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
