dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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