Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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