when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
