I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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