I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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