dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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