he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
