I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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