Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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