My sheets look like a crime scene.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
