i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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