we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
