Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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