He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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