and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
