1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
