i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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