Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
