Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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