I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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