Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He shit in the fireplace
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
