i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
