I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
