Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
