VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
