new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
