he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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