hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
