so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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