you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
