party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
