what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
