had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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