Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
