I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
