i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
