don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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