We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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