I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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