I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
