You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
