i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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