weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
