Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
